objectifying men
Cosmo:
I have personal experience with allowing myself to be objectified and have learned a lot from this practice.
I was forced to stand still by my lover at the time, who is now my wife, not surprising considering the impact she has had on me and how I show up as a man erotically.
She told me to stand completely still and she “took what she wanted from me.” I was nervous and a bit confused but willing to expand my horizons. We had only known each other for a couple of months at this point but had already evolved into teaching partners and lovers.
She wasn’t demeaning but was clearly in control and moved my body around the way she pleased. She fondled me and pulled on me. Pinched and smacked me around a little. She devoured me and it was delicious. I loved it and it changed my life.
I had always felt that erotically I was expected to be “doing,” in an active role and was expected to perform as a dominant man with a hard cock and exactly what my partner wanted and needed. This always felt like a lot of pressure and didn’t always yield great results. To say the least.
To feel like my body could be a tool for someone else’s pleasure without any effort on my part was like feeling I had purpose as a man without being in an active role. Without “doing.” So simple yet magical in how it transformed both my understanding of myself and also a new appreciation for objectification in general. It allowed me to understand how to objectify in a consensual and delicious way. When it’s invited it feels amazing. And when it’s not it feels gross.
So I say let’s celebrate how to objectify each other and have fun with it. Just make sure that the person you’re playing with is playing the same game.
From Casia:
I was so tired. It was past 11 PM and we had just done a full day of sessions and workshops, teaching in Toronto together. We had talked earlier about how Cosmo hadn’t really ever totally been in the surrender of the “Allowing” quadrant (referencing the Wheel of Consent) and had agreed to try it. My body started to respond in familiar poutiness when asked to do something I didn’t have the energy for… but then I realized that if it was for me, as Taking is for the person taking, and I could do exactly whatever my body had the energy for, so I said Yes, gingerly. The moment I had the full realization that the game now was for me to Take, that my partner would be totally still, placed in whatever position I wanted him in, and that I could just do as I pleased, I felt an immense surge of power rush through my body, from my heart to my genitals.
We put on some music and I had him stand completely still in my downtown apartment living room. It was a hot night, a muggy Toronto summer. He was wearing his briefs and a stringy tank top that you might imagine someone wearing at Burning Man, so most of his upper body was showing. But I knew immediately that I wanted to be the one that undressed him and decide when he would be.
He stood there as I explored touching his warm skin, pressing my body into him. He wasn’t allowed to move. He wasn’t allowed to reach up and touch me. He could only stand there. He watched me and breathed heavily. I loved it. I loved having the spaciousness to let my desire pour forth, without any interruption, to learn how I wanted to want a man’s body, instead of just allowing myself to the the desired. Because, OF COURSE I had desire for men’s bodies, I could tell I was attracted to someone and that I mentally objectified them, but to be given the gift of a body that I was allowed to ravish?! MMM!
The time unfolded deliciously for a long time, and we stayed in this container throughout love-making. Me continuously at the reigns, making the calls, and his following suit. It was an exceptional learning experience for me and I could feel myself stretching in my personhood, becoming a bigger version of myself, a version that embodied the clarity of desire.
Most potently to note, and this may not land with everyone, but we had an incredibly powerful spiritual experience during and after this time together. I felt and saw our bodies moving as breathing crystalline stars, merging together. And after as we lay blissed out together, I looked into my Beloved’s eyes and saw him through time and past lives. I saw him in different timelines where I also knew him as my Home. How these two events relate I could not give you any scientific observation, but I don’t see how they couldn’t be.
Casia