Is Your Mind Cock-blocking Your Pleasure and Joy?
Sex organs are constantly relaying information about our deeper feeling whether we notice or not. It is common to hear this is true for women; their pussy's often being a clear barometer of their truth and resonance between their inner landscape, their outside world and what is happening (although non-concordance is a common experience for many). Yet we hardly hear this can also be true for Men and their cocks. As a cock owner, if you tune in beyond your critical mind, you may discover moments when you have experienced something you have been authentically enjoying with your full self and you may have also experienced when something isn't quite right and you experience a discrepancy between your mind, body and your cock.
"Why isn't this workingggg?!"
You may desire a particular thing and yet the body won't respond the way you think it should. It can be quite confusing, even frustrating especially when the mind may be ready and wanting something to happen, yet your cock is clearly not on board or perhaps your cock is needing something in order to be enrolled into the experience of getting and staying hard. In the world of Somatics, it is understood that the body speaks up in places where the voice may not be able to. I experience this quite a bit: A man comes into my office and is at his wits end with his Cock not responding the way that he wants it to. His partner is upset, he feels emasculated and his confidence is slowly deflating; this persists. He starts taking the blue pill to keep his sex life going, yet the deeper cause goes unchecked.
Clients come to me frustrated, at their wits end, feeling closed off and even claim to be broken or self diagnosed as frigid, unlovable etc. I understand their pain and I can relate because I have worked through my own struggles. It can be quite embarrassing or a big source of pain in even the most loving relationship – not be able to perform or engage the way you want to or may have in the past.
When a client comes to me to address a sexual issue such as difficulties getting or keeping an erection, rapid-ejaculation, inability to focus during intimacy, stifling shame, or lack of overall desire, more times than not, the difficulty they are experiencing is related to something much deeper than the body simply malfunctioning for no reason. If there is no medical reason for the response, instead of it being a death sentence to his hard cock and sex life, I get curious and help the client do the same. Together we create a customized action plan to safely address what may be needing attention because the body won't act out or not respond for absolutely no reason and it is important we not override the systems response with a blue pill. The client's program may include coaching and council, mindfulness practices, movement, conscious one-way touch and massage and home-play assignments that he can do on his own and report back.
Once a client begins to utilize Somatic Sex Education tools and tap into the intelligence of their own body, it is common that they discover the issue is related to something inside of themselves that needs care and attention and a chance to be heard. In my experience the manifestation of an issue ins't always a soft cock, the body can speak up in other ways such as health issues, tension, skin rashes, anxiety and inability to engage in social situations and much more. When these things go unchecked or combed over with medications, the client may loose touch with what they authentically want, need and desire for themselves not only sensually but also in the rest of their lives. The body doesn't speak up for no reason, my job and passion is to help my clients be the master of themselves, and learn to slow down... listen... discover. It is a beautiful thing to witness a Man who instead of shutting down or putting others first, learns to stand in his own masculine power, fully expressed and in alignment with what is true for him and his life.
An interesting thing I learned by being a full time Certified Hypnotherapist is that often times, no matter how inconvenient or irritating the response is, the body often has a secondary gain or a positive purpose for the undesirable response. This is why we address concerns with curiosity instead of force or frustration.
Let me give you a few example of how this works in some of my Male clients.
Bob, a 32 year old successful business man came into my office and was experiencing pelvic pain, low libido, and difficulties with erections. A nurse practitioner referred him to me after months of therapy that showed no results. In our intake, Bob shared with me how his wife wanted desperately to conceive and how they do want to start a family, yet later in the intake he shares with me that he thinks adoption is far better for the planet and taking care of other humans. I learn through deeper questions that this is really important to him yet he wants to give his wife her own child. Do you see the predicament he is in? His body is responding to HIS truth by not getting hard and potentially getting his wife pregnant.
A 37 year old stressed out computer programmer got referred to me from his therapist. He claiming to be slowly becoming disinterested in sex and thought his marriage would end due to his lack of affection towards his wife. After working with him for a month or so it was discovered that he had kept so much pent up inside that he felt inadequate which kept him from engaging fully with his wife sexually. They were able to have some deep and powerful conversations and through revealing more of himself, his libido returned and their marriage was vibrant as ever.
Just starting my practice, I had a very successful business man who traveled the country and seemed to have it all. From an early age he had desires to be with both men and women yet his tradition and upbringing frowned upon anything other than heteronormativity. Out in public he lived as a successful heterosexual man, behind the curtain he tried to explore in other ways but found that his body wouldn't respond sexually with men nor women. The other catch was that in his tradition not only was bisexuality not respected or allowed but neither was sex before marriage. Within just 2 sessions we were able to dive deep into his body's intelligence and subconscious mind and he came up with a way to be in his truth and address this from a much deeper place. These buried beliefs humans have, especially when it comes to religions, traditions and deep programs of "how we should be in the world" do not go away by simply deciding to do something different. Often, it takes a safe container and a slow unraveling to be able to get your Mind, Body and Spirit all on the same page for the change that you want to make. It doesn't matter how bad you want something with your mind, you must address it from a much deeper place. His mind and body were all set to go after what he wanted but his cock was telling him “Hey! Something isn’t OK with me!”
Turns out in his case, his old belief was telling him sex is only for heterosexual people who are married and that it is a sin to do otherwise. His cock was keeping him “safe” and to the script, by not engaging and by not participating. He thought he was broken. He wasn’t. His old programs at one time served a positive purpose for him but were now cock blocking him (literally) from experiencing orgasm, climax and enjoying sensual delight the way he wanted to.
This client had to have brave conversations with his family and express things he knew they wouldn't like or agree with but were important for him to share in order for him to move forward in life...hard cock and all. We did some deeper work somatically so that he could follow his new beliefs about how he shares his sexuality and he is so happy with the results!
He is currently happily married to a woman with 2 children who supports him in exploring his full sexual expression. His family doesn't approve with everything he shares but they love him and accept him regardless. He is in his truth and his cock is no longer blocked by his old beliefs and outdated ideas of what he “should” do.
If we have programs or ways of thinking that are not up to date with how we grow, evolve and change with new thoughts and new perspective, the old programs or ways of being will sabotage anything and everything in order to stick to the old program or old script and we may not even realize it.
The thing is, you cannot simply talk your way back to what you want and expect your body to just cooperate. The underlying thoughts, concerns and beliefs must be addressed in order for the body to then do something different. This is why so many New Years resolutions bite the dust. It isn’t because you don’t want it enough- it’s because of the old program still running the show. The old script needs an update so to speak- so that you can navigate in the world not based on the past scripts, patterns, beliefs but instead as your powerful self where you are today!
You cannot reach these buried beliefs and old scripts you have running within your waking-conscious, rational mind because they are neatly stored deep in the subconscious; a place you can only access through a shift in conscious state / brain waves. In my experience with Somatics, Self Hypnosis, meditation or being in what is often referred to as the 'flow state' allows you to reach these places to create the new program, new belief, new way of being. ProTip: Being in Pleasure is an easy way to be in a flow state.
If you are experiencing difficulty with your body responding in the ways you would like it to, I invite you to listen and pay attention to what little messages or not so little messages your body is sending you in the form of not participating in what you think it ought to. It’s no accident that your cock or other parts of your body may be tuning out in order for you to start paying attention. Our body’s are magnificently intelligent! Listen. Your body is designed to feel pleasure and erotic joy, I can show you how to safely dissolve what may be holding you back from the intimate life you crave and deserve.
Melissa Davison
BodyJoy.org- Austin Tx & Sacramento Ca
